Success

I think the title says about everything! I actually hosted the sleepover this past weekend and it went great. I invited 3 of my closest friends. I was nervous at first that there would be a lot of awkward silences and nothing really to do but the moment the first person arrived my nerves calmed. The most fun part of the night was bowling. Not actually the bowling its self but how we got the lane. Here let me tell you what happened.

So we walk into the bowling alley around 10:30 expecting it not to be too packed. We were so naive, I mean it was a Friday night of course it was going to be packed. So anyway we finally get to the front of this crazy long line only to be told we have to wait at least 30 minuets. But we all decide to wait it out so we grab some seats and watch other people play. After a few minuets we notice this guy who every time is getting a strike, he ended up bowling a perfect game, it was pretty amazing. After he finished his game he comes over to us to see if we are waiting for a lane. When we say yes he says that hes done bowling and that we can just use his lane which he had for the rest of the night. At first we were a little skeptical. We did not know if he wanted something in return from us or what. But it turned out he worked there and he gave us free shoe retails so we bowled until about one in the morning. Everyone really had a blast.

After that we headed back to my house and watched movies, baked a whole bunch of stuff, talked about whose dating who, did stupid dares, and finally knocked out at about 5:30 am. I am really glad I decided to host it. It really brought us closer as friends and helped me relax and simply be myself around them with out feeling judged. I'm thinking another one is not too far off into the future!

Here's a snapshot of us.

(Bad picture, great memories!)

-Z

Here I Am

A poem, upon request.

Hope you enjoy it.

Here I stand.

Confused and alone.

Not quiet sure what to do.

Never have I felt so on my own.

Here I am.

Knowing your desire is for me to fail,

I am all the more determined to succsed.

And then I will have prevailed.

Here I stand.

Ready to prove you wrong.

Though you thought you'd torn me down,

Here I am, standing strong.

-Z

A First For Everything

Generally speaking, the first time you do just about anything is the scariest. But i believe that fear should never stop you from doing something and quiet honestly if your scared to do it, it usually was worth doing in the long run. 

 So with that said I am throwing my first sleepover. Yes I know it is a little late for me to be doing it but there is a first time for everything. I have been Home schooled for all but two years of my life. Since I am home schooled I have often felt like I have missed out on alot of social events like parties and sleepovers. The fact that i naturally stay to myself and am extremely shy does not help. I am glad like never before that my younger sister is a total social butterfly. If she is not texting someone she is facebook chatting them. If shes not facebooking them then shes skyping them. She is constantly talking to someone. She is invited to a sleepover or party just about every weekend so she has experience in sleepovers. I am having it the second week in March so ill let you know how it goes. Although I have no idea how it is going to turn out I am excited for it. In life you cant blame other people for you missing out on opportunities nor can you just sit back and expect everything to fall out perfectly in your life. Sometimes you must take matters into your own hands. 

 I am well aware that a sleepover is not a life changing event but for me its proving something to myself. Its proving that i have friends who like me for who I am, even in my most awkward and embarrassing moments. I have always felt like my friends are judging me or waiting for me to do something dumb so they can make fun of me. But that's not the truth. Spending this time with them I believe will prove to myself that they like me simply for who I am and that I can be all the way comfortable around them. I hope all goes well!

-Z

Simply Not Real

Have you ever made up a relationship in your head? Over analyzed someones every move or word said to you that you convince yourself that they like you? Well I have. Most of my so called "relationships" have been like that. I think they like me because I read too much into how they look at me or the way they act around around me. And then because I think they like me I start to like them. It sounds so weird when I actually write it out but this is what i do. The worst part of doing this is when you wake up and are realize the harsh reality that he does not like you at all. For me this epiphany usually comes when he starts to date my friend and i realize that there was never anything there. I have to stop doing this. There is no happy ending when I do this. I just need to stop doing this... end of story.

-Z

A New Chapter

Yesterday was my birthday. I am now 18. It feeling like such a huge number. I know that in the whole picture of life that its not but it feels that way right now. I remember 8 years ago when i though double digits were a huge deal. And lets not even talk about 13. I though i was unstoppable, being a teenager and all. But 18 is somehow slightly different from these other years. My parents divorced 6 years ago. The courts then set specific visitation days for me. They told me which parent I would spend my weekends with, who I would spend my birthday with, if I would get to see them on their birthdays, whos turn it was to have be on any given holiday, how my summer would be divided between the two of them and so much more. I am sad to say that my wants and feelings were really not taken into account. I dont want your pity or sympathy I just want to explain why I am so excited to turn 18 and the major changes that it brings about. It feels good to know that my life it finally in my hands. If I wanted to I could now not see either one of them for the holidays or I could see both. I dont know what I will do but what I do know is that it will be my choice. Not my parents and defiantly not some judges who has never met me before. To be completely honest I probably will comtiou with my visitation schedule as usual but I am ok with that because it will have been my decision.

-Z

Day One

So, today was my first day on P90x. Those workouts are no joke! The thing that i have noticed about P90x is that so many people put youtube videos and blogs about starting it but so many of them you never hear from again after week two or three. But not me. I am going to follow this thing all the way though. It really helps that i am doing it with my mom, two aunts and an uncle. I am not doing it to loss weight. That's not my intention at all. I am 5'9 and weight 115. My main reason for doing it is to gain muscle tone. I am going away to college in the fall and i want to look really great so if that is not great motivation than i don't know what is!
-Z

New Years Resolutions

1) Spend at least one hour everyday in prayer- Done

2) Do P90x- Done

3) To go out of country- Done

4) Blog at least twice a month

5) Finish every book i start

6) Stay true to myself

7) Send a secret to PostSecret

8) Keep all of the above!