I am More

Have you ever heard a song that says exactly what you need to hear every time it plays? Well "You are More" by Tenth Avenue North is that song for me absolutely every time I hear it.

Lately choices I made long ago have been coming back to haunt me.  Some I had control over, some I did not but none the less I made them. The reason a lot of them have been coming back recently is because my Dad is taking my Mom back to court.  I hate it. The last six years has been revolving around it.  It just puts so much stress on everyone. When I was 12 me and my sister was 10 we were called to the judges back chambers and were questioned for a good few hours. Ever since that day our dad now blames us for screwing up his fiances, having to pay tons of child support, being manipulated by our mom and her family, for living life on "the wrong path" (whatever that means) and most often he says we are worthless.  That last one hurts the most. The list is just simply ridiculous. Ever since that day I have wrestled with myself about what I could have done differently. I am not going to go into greater detail because I do not want to bore you.

There are many other things that I regret doing or not doing. Things that were said that I wish had stayed unsaid, friendships that were broken, actions that were done, the list goes on and on. With all thats going on I started to feel like I had made some many mistakes, done so many things wrong that they could not be undone. Then this song came on the radio. The chorus is my favorite part

You are more than the choices that you've made,

You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,

You are more than the problems you create,

You've been remade.

I knew this but somewhere along the line I had convinced myself that it was not true or did not apply to me but the truth is IT DOES!  And I am more then my past problems, choices and mistakes.  I am not bound to my past and that feels absolutely amazing. And most importantly, I am beyond simply being worth it, I am priceless. That is what God says and I choose to listen to that over anything the world says about me. I am not perfect but God knew that coming into things. If he had expected me to be then he would not have died on the cross for me. I am so grateful for Gods Grace. I do not know what I would do without it.

-Z