A First For Everything

Generally speaking, the first time you do just about anything is the scariest. But i believe that fear should never stop you from doing something and quiet honestly if your scared to do it, it usually was worth doing in the long run. 

 So with that said I am throwing my first sleepover. Yes I know it is a little late for me to be doing it but there is a first time for everything. I have been Home schooled for all but two years of my life. Since I am home schooled I have often felt like I have missed out on alot of social events like parties and sleepovers. The fact that i naturally stay to myself and am extremely shy does not help. I am glad like never before that my younger sister is a total social butterfly. If she is not texting someone she is facebook chatting them. If shes not facebooking them then shes skyping them. She is constantly talking to someone. She is invited to a sleepover or party just about every weekend so she has experience in sleepovers. I am having it the second week in March so ill let you know how it goes. Although I have no idea how it is going to turn out I am excited for it. In life you cant blame other people for you missing out on opportunities nor can you just sit back and expect everything to fall out perfectly in your life. Sometimes you must take matters into your own hands. 

 I am well aware that a sleepover is not a life changing event but for me its proving something to myself. Its proving that i have friends who like me for who I am, even in my most awkward and embarrassing moments. I have always felt like my friends are judging me or waiting for me to do something dumb so they can make fun of me. But that's not the truth. Spending this time with them I believe will prove to myself that they like me simply for who I am and that I can be all the way comfortable around them. I hope all goes well!

-Z

Simply Not Real

Have you ever made up a relationship in your head? Over analyzed someones every move or word said to you that you convince yourself that they like you? Well I have. Most of my so called "relationships" have been like that. I think they like me because I read too much into how they look at me or the way they act around around me. And then because I think they like me I start to like them. It sounds so weird when I actually write it out but this is what i do. The worst part of doing this is when you wake up and are realize the harsh reality that he does not like you at all. For me this epiphany usually comes when he starts to date my friend and i realize that there was never anything there. I have to stop doing this. There is no happy ending when I do this. I just need to stop doing this... end of story.

-Z

A New Chapter

Yesterday was my birthday. I am now 18. It feeling like such a huge number. I know that in the whole picture of life that its not but it feels that way right now. I remember 8 years ago when i though double digits were a huge deal. And lets not even talk about 13. I though i was unstoppable, being a teenager and all. But 18 is somehow slightly different from these other years. My parents divorced 6 years ago. The courts then set specific visitation days for me. They told me which parent I would spend my weekends with, who I would spend my birthday with, if I would get to see them on their birthdays, whos turn it was to have be on any given holiday, how my summer would be divided between the two of them and so much more. I am sad to say that my wants and feelings were really not taken into account. I dont want your pity or sympathy I just want to explain why I am so excited to turn 18 and the major changes that it brings about. It feels good to know that my life it finally in my hands. If I wanted to I could now not see either one of them for the holidays or I could see both. I dont know what I will do but what I do know is that it will be my choice. Not my parents and defiantly not some judges who has never met me before. To be completely honest I probably will comtiou with my visitation schedule as usual but I am ok with that because it will have been my decision.

-Z

Day One

So, today was my first day on P90x. Those workouts are no joke! The thing that i have noticed about P90x is that so many people put youtube videos and blogs about starting it but so many of them you never hear from again after week two or three. But not me. I am going to follow this thing all the way though. It really helps that i am doing it with my mom, two aunts and an uncle. I am not doing it to loss weight. That's not my intention at all. I am 5'9 and weight 115. My main reason for doing it is to gain muscle tone. I am going away to college in the fall and i want to look really great so if that is not great motivation than i don't know what is!
-Z

New Years Resolutions

1) Spend at least one hour everyday in prayer- Done

2) Do P90x- Done

3) To go out of country- Done

4) Blog at least twice a month

5) Finish every book i start

6) Stay true to myself

7) Send a secret to PostSecret

8) Keep all of the above!

Good-Bye 2010

Well 2010 is coming to an end. This year has just been amazing. I have grown in so many areas. Firstly I have grown in my relationship with God. This year i have really learned to hear His voice and to follow it in my life. At the beginning of the year God told me not to kiss anyone until after i say "I do." I was not too hot on this idea. At the time i had not yet had my first kiss but was anxiously anticipating it to happen soon. It was not until i involuntarily turned my head during a moment i had only imaged happening. Seth a tall, muscular, quarterback (who at the time was what i thought to be a perfect guy) was coming toward me with puckered lips, ready to kiss me. I could not believe it. At the last moment, right before our lips were to touch... I turned my head! I was so confused to why i had done it. But it became immediately clear to me. After I made it clear to him that I was not going to kiss him he began saying how he had kissed many other girls and even gone all the way a few times. How I was the one missing out. I should feel privileged and he wanted to kiss me. It was then that i realized why God wanted me to wait. Seth took kissing and even sex as no big deal, as a minor activity. He wanted to be my fist just so he could add another tally mark to his list. I am so thankful that i did not waist my first kiss on someone who does not fear the LORD, know His word and care about me. This year i learned to trust in the LORD. He has my back! Before the earth was even created He hand picked my husband. So why waist time dating around, being involved and breaking-up when all i need to do is wait on the LORD and on His perfect timing? This has been an amazing year. I can not wait to see where i will be this time next year. 2010 was a great year and 2011 will be even better. By this time next year i will have been at Oral Roberts University for about four months. Oh how i can not wait to be away at college. God has an amazing plan for my life and i expect to live my life in His way, His time, His plan.

Renewed Like an Eagle

I am so thankful that I serve a mercyful God. Even when I mess up He still loves me. I am so greatful for His love. I messed up today but i am determined to live everyday to glorify His name.